Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
