About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
