oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
