His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
