FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Semen is not good for contacts.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
