I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
