ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
