I CAN MOONWALK!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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