Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
