I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
