your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
