I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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