I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
