Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I could fuck to npr.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
