Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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