I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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