If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
