Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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