there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
