I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
