You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
