8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
