I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
