This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
