Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
