Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
