I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your cock deserves a montage
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
