This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
