Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
