we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
