I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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