Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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