My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
