i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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