Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
