and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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