as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
