its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate all girls vehemently.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
