She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
