so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am available for nakedness
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize