they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
