D3 body, D1 cock
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Couch. On fire.
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