if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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