Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
