goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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