At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
