Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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