Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
