how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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