Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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