The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
